I, being a parent myself, have had a hugely difficult time with watching my kids experience life for themselves with all the mistakes included. I want to protect them. I want to rush in and head them off at the pass before they take another step to dive off of the cliffs of life.

Recently one of my boys failed a class in school for a semester. I was really upset about that. How could this very intelligent child fail? How could my child fail? But he did. I wish I could say that I handled the situation in a manner that allowed open and honest communication, but I did not. Instead I lectured, and I told him how he should not bring home anymore failing grades. My expectation bar is set high and a failure did not meet the standard. How audacious of me!

In the days that passed I thought about the situation. I thought about how I felt when I was chastised so strongly for getting an “F” in a subject or on a test. How unfair I thought it was that my stressors and point of view were not being considered. In looking back I was able to see my mistake and how I could have approached the situation from a positive perspective, and how I will foster nurturing communication should my son fail a class again. I also realized that all I can do is try my best, in any given situation, to encourage my child to ask for help when needed, and to continue to ensure that he keeps up with the things that he needs to do to pass. Nothing more; nothing less. Should he not ask for help or keep up with his studies, then that is his burden to bear. Not mine. And, he will surely have consequences, both at school and home that reflect his decision not to do his studies.

Will kids learn the lessons needed to know to navigate life? Inevitably they will. Some sooner; some later. Will I be able to convey to them the pain they can incur if they stray from the path that will keep them safe? Sometimes yes. Most times no. These are lessons that they need to learn on their own. No matter how difficult it is to watch. I have been learning to accept this both as a dad and a life coach. While I wish every bit of wisdom I give to my children is heeded and taken to heart, I know that it is in their mistakes and failures that they will eventually get the point. I also remind myself that I did/do not always take heed to wisdom given to me the first time it is given. At the same time, nagging a child with wisdom can actually harm your relationship more than helping them to gain any ground.

So, I can –and will– be there for them when they fall and/or call for help. Even if they don’t ask for help in time of need, I can still support them just by letting them know I am there if they need me. In all of this I cannot chastise or ridicule them with the “I told you so’s” and the “Why did you’s?” Launching into a “much needed lecture” is not what’s needed and certainly will not allow them to open up and talk about where they think they went wrong and/or what they could have done differently.

I also accept that in actuality I am raising adults –or future adults– that currently have very little life experience. Children must learn, in whatever way it is that they can, how to navigate life on their own. However, except from doing what I can as a parent to keep them out of harms way while they are on my watch, I can only let them grow into the adults that they will inevitably become. Along the way I hold out hope and keep the faith that they will be alright as I guide them as much as they will let me through my own words and actions.

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I have two children. They are very different from each other. One, my oldest, likes to joke around, play and have a good time. The younger is more serious in nature and tends to be much more sober minded. This can be a cause of many lively moments in my home as when the older child wants to play around and the younger is not in the mood, more often then not a confrontation results. Then one or both of the adults has to become a referee.

Point blank, I asked my oldest son if he was crazy. “Are you out of our mind?” He looks at me and in all seriousness says, “Maybe I am.” I ask him why he would think that was crazy and he says, “Because you keep asking me if I am!” After a little chuckle, I explain to him the aforementioned definition of insanity and I pose the question to him again. He says, “No, I’m not insane or crazy. I just want to play with my brother.” Of course in my heart I want to just grab him up and give him a hug, but instead I ask him if he ever thought to ask his brother if he wanted to play before just starting to play with him. Then the light bulb goes on! His face lights up and I can see that he was having a moment of clarity. A moment.

As adults we will often approach a situation, or relationship, in the same manner as we always do and hope that the result we want just happens. What usually results is us getting what we don’t want and feeling a little burned in the end. Now, something inside of us – many call it our gut instinct – will usually warn us that we won’t get the desired outcome, but instead we ignore it. Then we get upset when things don’t work out. In everything, ask for what you want, specifically. Don’t leave any room for guessing or interpretation.

You pray for friends and you get them, but you don’t like them. But all you said was you wanted friends. Not what kind of friends. You pray to get out of the rut you are in just to find yourself in a new rut. In this instance all you asked for was to get out of “this rut” instead of asking to break the pattern that keeps getting you into ruts.

Being specific will cause us to look a little deeper, maybe even be a little vulnerable, but you get exactly what you want and are better for it. So ask yourself, do I want to continue spinning my wheels in my rut, or do I want to move on in my life. We can continue to do the same things over and over again hoping for something different to happen or we can ask, “Will you play with me?”

The Quest of Life is a radio program focusing on people who are leading lives of inspiration, with a special emphasis on spirituality. They are especially interested in exploring the lives and stories of gay men and lesbians who are involved in the world and human struggles. The program features music by OUT musicians as well.

Take a listen to the interview at this link.

It is also available on the Quest of Life Podcast in iTunes.

Reminding yourself of your change is a daily thing. It is not as easy to keep the affected change – especially positive – without practice moment by moment. The same challenges that you had before the change are still there. Having accountability, whether it is a life coach and/or a friend that you are accountable during the week is helpful. Most importantly, being totally honest with yourself and whomever you have decided to be accountable to will be the most valuable thing you can to do.

Regardless of how things play out, be determined to keep your intention of living a positive and love filled life. Be happy, content really, and intend to stay in this state, no matter what. Be centered regardless of your external situations and circumstances. You are peace. You are love. You are good. Nothing – nor any individual  – can do anything to change that. You are the only one who can make the decision to stay positive or to become a negative being.

The supplies of the Universe, peace, prosperity, abundance, joy, love, etc., are endless. Oftentimes people will wonder if there is a limit to it all. I mean, I grew up with the label of “poor” planted squarely over my life. I lived in an apartment complex that was subsidized by the government. The rent was based on the household income, which with a single mom and two kids (and a limited way of thinking), was not a lot of income. Sometimes I would go to the refrigerator and it would be bare.Sometimes my mother would joke and say that we lived in old Mother Hubbard’s home. Or, even though there was only two kids most of the time – I have another sibling and step-siblings – my twin sister and I would liken life to living with the woman who lived in the shoe. I mean we really bought into the limited mentality. To look at us, though, no one would ever guess that sometimes we would find bags and boxes of groceries anonymously left or perched in the hands of strangers at our door. We did not walk around “looking” like we were poor, but at times we certainly could see and feel the lack in our home.

This ideal of not having permeated my very core. Everywhere I went I would wonder if there would be enough for me, or if I had enough to get what I wanted. Even as an adult, I would not even think of living in certain areas or types of apartment communities because I just knew I could never afford that. If I went to a party or some event I would ensure that I took no more than my share. Too many situations occurred when I wanted even just a little more and would ask, just to be scolded. I would then be chastised for being a glutton or not thinking of others. More often than not I would be told I was being rude. So, I stopped asking. I did not even ask God for any more that what I needed to just cover what I had to take care of. I mean, who was I to think that all of my needs and much more could, and would be provided for? Surely, I did not want to be a selfish glutton.

So, on the rare occasion in life that I would hear “Use as much as you want, there’s plenty more where that came from.” I would sit in disbelief. Really? This must be a gag. Surely someone is playing a joke on me! But, with all the guilt I could stand, I would partake and hope that I would not find myself the subject of some cruel joke.

But as time went on I slowly started to see that I wasn’t the subject of a gag and that the Universe constantly says, “There is more where that came from.” I used to wonder if It ever got tired of saying that. But, nope, I am convinced that It doesn’t. That’s awesome. The feelings that I get and associate with knowing that there is more are peace, calm, joy, and, warmth. There is a comfort, like resting in the arms of your grandparents or most loved, that exudes from knowing you are always taken care of. No worries, no lack. Just all you need and more than you need.

The great thing is the Universe was there well before we were and will still be there long after we are. The origins of It are unknown, and the Universe is endless. So, all that the Universe can/does/will provide just is and will be. That seems so out there – outlandish even – but once tapped into, the Tao or universal energy, just makes sense in a way that words are too weak to do justice. You just have to breath it in and let it ride; don’t try to make sense out of it.

The Universe just does what it does. No agenda, no concern, no ulterior motive. It works the same way for all. Rich, poor, smart, ignorant, young, old, whatever, all can partake of and receive the benefits of the Universe. Like standing outside in the weather, we all will experience it. How we perceive it may differ, but if it is raining, we all get wet.

The wonder of it all, is that within every last one of us, a piece of the Universe resides. Many of us consciously tap into the Universe and partake of It’s vastness. Some consciously try not to tap into It. But we all do so whether we are thinking of it or not. That’s a lot to chew on, to think about, and attempt to digest. I just like to know that the Universe is there and that I can tap into It whenever I desire, while just letting the Universe ride and not trying to make sense of it.